Nothing Left Here
by marylwhit
Summary: Everyone else has given up on him, but Emily still visits Spencer.


Spencer's unseeing eyes were staring at the ceiling. His head sat on top of two clean white pillows, and his arms lay motionless at his sides. His body was stiff and pale, covered by a thin sheet that was too tightly tucked.

Here he was, 30 years old, the most intellegent person she had ever known, and he was going to spend the rest of his life in bed. Unable to move, unable to see.

She stood in the doorway and watched him for a few moments, questioning whether or not he would want company that day.

When she entered, she headed straight for his bedside light.

"Did she turn your lamp off again?" She whispered, but he didn't show any signs that he had heard her. She flicked it on and the room was bathed in orange haze.

She sat down on the chair and gazed around the empty room. The stip of unmatching wallpaper reminded her of the very first time they'd all gathered in the hospital room. Morgan had put his fist through the wall when the doctor explained what had become of their youngest agent. Garcia had brought bright bouquet's of flowers that Spencer would never see. JJ had grasped his hand, desperate for him to squeeze back, but knowing he never would.

Rossi had said Spencer was gone. That he wasn't there. He'd disappeared. As if the man laying in the hospital bed, covered in scars and bandages wasn't the same person they had known.

After a while the rest of them began to use the same excuse to justify why they never went to see him.

_"He doesn't remember us, Emily."_

_"He's not... there."_

_"He's brain-dead."_

It was easier. They were angry, hurt, and his facial scars scared them. So they prentended he didn't exist. They never spoke of him. Hotch eventually hired a replacement, and Reid's desk became the new agent's overnight. Even as they all stood around with miserable faces and watched the new man straighten his files and set up his computer, no one spoke about Spencer.

They refused to acknowledge what had happened or begin to deal with it, and the stress tore their little family apart. Hotch retired within the year. JJ left without a word. Garcia moved as far away as she could. Morgan was... god knows where.

"Spencer?" She didn't know why she'd taken to using his first name, but 'Reid' just didn't sound right anymore.

Again, she got no responce. But she hadn't expected to.

"It's Emily, Spencer."

She reached out and laid her hand on his shoulder. It was one of the few places he still had feeling. She moved her thumb in gentle circles, unconciously tracing the scars that tainted his pale skin. She hated how she could no longer picture him without them.

She wondered what he was thinking about. _If _he was thinking. Whether he even knew she was there with him.

He started to whimper softly. He never spoke. He only ever made _noises_. The touch had agrivated him, somehow it was just too much today. She wondered if he would stretch out his arms and push her across the room if he was able. If he would tell her to stop coming. She wouldn't blame him. But all he could do was groan and cry and distort his mouth in horror. Somedays he wouldn't calm down until she turned on his bedside light so he could feel the warmth on his face. Somedays he needed to be touched, and would grunt until she began to stroke his cheek gently. Other days were like this one. He didn't want anyone around him.

"It's okay..." She offered weakly, "Spencer, just relax."

Today the only thing that calmed him was a mild sedative injected into his IV bag.

"Dr. Reid's not having a good day, I'm afraid." The nurse explained. "Maybe you should come back tomorrow."

Emily nodded, reluctantly moving towards the door. She stood and watched for a moment. She wondered if he still relived it. The explosion, the flames, the fear. The last few seconds before his life changed forever. She did. She still heard him screaming for help from inside the building, still felt Hotch's arms around her, holding her back. They couldn't possibly know if he did remember. They didn't even know if he knew his own name.

"I'll come back tomorrow, Spencer." She called, furiously wiping away stray tears.

"I should have had your back." She whispered to no one.

The heart rate monitor beeped with obvious signs of life, but for the first time, Emily realized that the man she had known was gone forever. Yet, unlike the others, she would continue to visit Spencer every day, as she had done for the past three years.

* * *

_My first CM submission! Hopefully it wasn't too depressing, let me know what you think :)_


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